I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
