I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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