I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
