so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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