I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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