Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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