Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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