I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Fuck appropriateness.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
