My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize