my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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