she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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