Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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