mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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