Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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