I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
