your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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