We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
