I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
