i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
