East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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