Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
