My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
