Umm I'm too high to move.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
