so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
