And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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