then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
