The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
