My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
