I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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