It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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