just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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