That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
