Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
