Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm having to shit out rocks
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