Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.

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  (518): He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me. http://tfl.nu/ya5v
  Replies (2) Good night (2110) Bad night (569)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'

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  (410): i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary' http://tfl.nu/vbb1
  Replies (15) Good night (655) Bad night (2603)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.

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  (832): I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets. http://tfl.nu/n0nj
  Replies (8) Good night (4711) Bad night (815)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,

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  (250): Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog, http://tfl.nu/g0c0
  Replies (22) Good night (961) Bad night (4331)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.

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  (203): The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately. http://tfl.nu/h16j
  Replies (11) Good night (5698) Bad night (948)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers

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  (781): he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness... (413): how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers http://tfl.nu/137y
  Replies (10) Good night (5602) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok

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  (509): I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok http://tfl.nu/3owz
  Replies (9) Good night (2588) Bad night (782)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.

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  (716): Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them. http://tfl.nu/pe21
  Replies (9) Good night (2267) Bad night (918)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.

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  (256): She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks. http://tfl.nu/9wib
  Replies (5) Good night (2080) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!

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  (317): Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour! http://tfl.nu/4bwc
  Replies (13) Good night (1440) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  Who in tha hell do u hang out with?

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  (615): I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls. (1-615): Who in tha hell do u hang out with? http://tfl.nu/cxra
  Replies (5) Good night (2055) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds

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  (616): Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds http://tfl.nu/472x
  Replies (9) Good night (1214) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self

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  (423): Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self http://tfl.nu/t1xo
  Replies (1) Good night (613) Bad night (250)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  And then someone hit me with a pool cue

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  (604): I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud. (604): And then someone hit me with a pool cue http://tfl.nu/5hgm
  Replies (4) Good night (979) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..

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  (503): I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows.. http://tfl.nu/u6a7
  Replies (0) Good night (274) Bad night (469)

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