She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.