dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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