plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
