so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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