well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
