take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
