Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
