At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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