Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
