I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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