Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
