No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
