His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
