It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
