She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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