College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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