You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
