hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
