He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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