Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
