my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
