Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
