I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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