i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
