Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
