1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
