I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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