Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
