Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
