If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
