When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
