I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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