I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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