Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
