All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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