Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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