so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
