I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
